Hopes for the New Year

2011 starts in just a few days. 2010 has been a good year for us but I'd love for 2011 to be even better. A dear friend lost her husband in October and it has really made me consider what I want for my family. I want to us to look back and have lots of memories of quality family time together. I don't want to look back and see lots of wasted time; wasted opportunities. So, with that in mind I want to commit to this blog my hopes for this year.

I want:

- To make better use of our time. My time as an individual and our time together as a family.
- Make it to the gym at least 3 times a week
- organize our belongs and finally unpack everything
- do more sewing
- travel and do fun activities as a family like camping
- learn how to garden
- make better choices with our spending.

Christmas Day Book

Outside My Window

Snowy...lots and lots of snow. I've never seen so much snow in my life.

I am Listening to

the soft breathing of Trumpet; who is sleeping in my arms.

I am Wearing

A pair of

I am so Grateful for

I am grateful for the wonderful Christmas we have had. For being able to see the joy of my children's faces as they celebrated the wonder of our Lord's birth.

I'm Pondering

Once, in Royal David’s city
Stood a lowly cattle shed,
Where a mother laid her baby
In a manger for his bed.
Mary was that mother mild
Jesus Christ, her little child.

I am Reading

Nothing but looking forward to starting Elizabeth's Foss, "Small Steps"

I am Thinking

My hopes for the upcoming year for my family.

I am Creating

Taking apart diapers to change into snap closures.

Towards a Real Education

Working with Captain to further his language. Each day he seems to pick up a new word. His speech therapy is going fantastic.

Towards Rhythm and Beauty

|Organizing and moving all the way into the house.

To Live the Liturgy

Enjoying the beautiful Christmas season the church gives us.

I am Hoping and Praying

For clarity on if I should go back to school

For a good upcoming year.

Around the House

re-thinking how to organize- going to buiold a number of these: http://ana-white.com/2010/11/laundry-basket-dresser.html

From the Kitchen

It's foraging time...emptying out the pantry. Re-thinking eating habits for the new year.

One of My Favorite Things

Enjoying a cup of tea in one of my new mugs M got me for Christmas. http://www.pfaltzgraff.com/Penguin-Skate/PNSKT,default,sc.html

Captain this week

He is talking up a storm. He is in love with his main Christmas gift- a Thomas the train set. He has played with it non-stop since he

Trumpet this week

He has 2 top teeth coming in. He wasn't to interested in unwrapping his gifts but has really enjoyed playing with his new toys. He is going through a very clingy stage. It's hard but hopefully it will pass soon.

A Few Plans for the Rest of the Week

Enjoy the snow

Thanksgiving Daybook

Outside My Window

It's dark and chilly. I've stayed up late to see M off to work and work on a Christmas stocking.

I am Listening to

the heater run and NCIS LA playing on the television.

I am Wearing

A comfy gray cable knit sweater and black lounge pants. I am ready for bed.

I am so Grateful for

I am so grateful for my family and so much more. I am truly, truly blessed.

I'm Pondering

the role of wife, mother and being a daughter and how they all fit together.

I am Reading

Meridon by Philippa Gregory. It is part of the Wideacre Trilogy. I've much enjoyed reading the series and I am looking forward to having the chance to finish this last one.

I am Thinking

Many many things. Christmas, Advent, an upcoming trip in the new year home for a wedding. About the nature of those we love and that they can the most difficult parts of our lives. Of all the progress Captain has made in his therapies.

I am Creating

A Christmas stocking for my newest niece.

Towards a Real Education

Working with Captain to further his language. Each day he seems to pick up a new word. His speech therapy is going fantastic.

Towards Rhythm and Beauty

Prepping the house for Advent season. It's just us this Holiday season but I want our home to glow with joy- even if it is just for us.

To Live the Liturgy

I am prepping for the start of Advent on Sunday and for St. Nicholas Feast Day. I want to bring our faith alive for my little ones.

I am Hoping and Praying

For my friend Cher- who along with her 2 little ones is celebrating their first holidays without Husband/Father.

For M and our family that we hear good news back from the Officer board.

Around the House

It's a mess and in need of organization.

From the Kitchen

Banana bread, apple pies, pumpkin- lots of pumpkin, turkey, rolls....it's the holidays so there is lots of goodness in the kitchen

One of My Favorite Things

Waking up to the smiles of Trumpet in the morning and his warm body snuggling in my arms as we sleep.

Captain this week

He is doing fantastic in his therapies. Some of his new words are: yogurt, more, his therapist name (this makes me a little sad as he hasn't said mommy yet) and purple.

He willingly put a tooth brush in his mouth and brushed his teeth multiple times this week- which is huge for him.

Trumpet this week

He is still working on those top 4 teeth. He has started standing solo- so its only a matter of time before he starts walking. He is a great cruiser and has gotten really fast via crawling.

A Few Plans for the Rest of the Week

Thanksgiving Dinner
Ordering the last Christmas present
Working on Christmas stocking
Put up outdoor decorations and dig out Advent stuff.

Home Organization

5 moves in 3 years has taken its toll on our home organization. The other night M asked me what happened to the person he meet who was super organized.....that's a good question. The answer is simple....its hard to be organized when your environment isn't organized. So, that is my goal going into the New Year. I want to re-organize and sort through everything.

Election Night!

It is a great night! I feel giddy with the results that are in so far and have stayed up way later then I ever attended to! Democrats lost control of the house...it won't be a free ride for the Obama agenda anymore!

Christmas Cards!

Well, its that time of year again. We are getting ready to role into November and if I want my cards mailed by Dec 1 I must get started soon. Next week, we are having a photographer come to take family photos. It was suppose to be this weekend but Captain busted his lip and had to go get stitches.

Once, I have the photos I will put together a photo Christmas card via shutterfly I've used them before and love them! We had our cards done there last year and they came out fantastic. Shutterfly has a huge selection of Christmas cards; you can get everything from : religious cards to secular cards.

I haven't figured out what card we are using this year. I really like this one.
Simple but wow! There are tons that I like but until I have our family photos in hand it will be hard to choose which card to go with! Last year I did a play on our last name and used a photo of Captain meeting Santa. This year we'll be doing a family photo.

One of the things I love about shutterfly is that they always have great specials! Currently, they have a special going on. Shutterfly is offering 20% off all holiday cards

I know I will be using shutterfly for my Christmas cards and several photo-themed Christmas gifts. My granny looks forward to her photobook every year!

Fall- Pumpkns and more pumpkins

We are enjoying fall here. The weather is starting to cool (though we still have some very warm days.) and the leaves are turning. I have to say if we do move next fall as we are hoping that is one thing I will miss if we end up back home in Texas. I will miss the vibrant colored leaves.

We have been enjoying pumpkins here too. Pumpkin candles, pumpkin muffins, bread, cakes, bars...you name it and we're enjoying it. I still laugh each time I make something with pumpkin because before last fall I didn't like pumpkin. I didn't like it till I was pregnant with Trumpet and now I can't get enough it of.

Last week we took the kids to a local farm and had a wonderful day of fun. There were hayrides, petting farm, haystacks to play in and a wonderful pumpkin patch to pick from. Captain picked out his pumpkin and later this week he will get to color it with washable markers and in November I'll use the pumpkin to make pumpkin butter.

We are gearing up for Halloween here as well. We have a lot of fun activities next week for Halloween. I am throwing a toddler Halloween party, we'll take the kids to the Y for a festival and then tricker-treating on Halloween night. Captain is a dragon and adores his costume. Trumpet doesn't want anything to do with his.

50 Free Christmas Cards- Shutterfly

Last year I order my Christmas Cards from Shutterfly, as well as several other Christmas gifts. I was very impressed by the quality of the cards and they were a hit. This year I will be using them again as well for our cards. Our Christmas card list is quite long so I was thrilled to read about a promotion they are doing for free Christmas cards.

http://blog.shutterfly.com/5358/holiday2010-blog-submission-form/

I can't wait to have our holiday photos done in a couple weeks and be able to start my cards. I am leaning towards this card: http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/cards-stationery/sweet-chocolate-christmas-card-5x7-flat?sortType=1&fa=4&storeNode=93479&fe=1

Plans for September

I am looking forward to a new month and a new start in a new home. My hopes and aspirations for this month are to ultimately be a great mommy and wife. However, I will be breaking them down into less abstract concepts and more concrete ones.

Home:
- Get everything unpacked and organized
- De-clutter and either sell or give away unwanted/unneeded items.
- Cook dinner every night other than my birthday
- Find a good cleaning/laundry routine

Religious:
-Help out with RCIA
- Pray a decade of the rosary each day
- say grace at each meal

Kids:
- Start Captain's speech
- Captain's tumbling class
- go to the zoo at least once
- do art/craft with Captain once a week
- Baby yoga class with Trumpet
- sort through kids clothes

Crafts:
-sew niece's stocking
- work on Christmas gifts

Pondering Childhood and the Home

I've been pondering a lot of stuff lately. Mostly, the sort of childhood I want my kids to have and the sort of home I want them to live in. I want my children to have a childhood of warm memories. Memories of laughter and fun. I want each day to be special and warm. I want my home to be tidy but well lived in. I want to be a family that loves and laughs together.

I want to be a homemaker who makes a home that her family loves to come home to. I want to make homemade bread and other wonderful dishes to feed and nourish my family. I want to make homemade items for my family to use.

And this is what I will endeavor to do as we move into the new month.

Identity

Four years ago if I'd been told that I was going to be married and have 2 kids I would have laughed. I was on a very different path in June of 2006. I was set to go off to a fancy college and while I wanted love, marriage and everything I didn't see it on the horizon anytime soon. My hope was to find it at some point in the four years of college.

It was June of 2006 when I meet M. He was so different from any man I'd ever meet before. I could be myself with him. I didn't have to pretend I wanted a career. I was able to say that I wanted my career to be my family. That I believed I belonged at home. That I was born in the wrong time period! July of 2007 we married. April 2008 we welcomed our first little one and then we welcomed a second one in 2010.

Life took a way different path than I believed it would after I finished high school but I am so very happy that it took the path that it did.

Exercise and Vitamin D

I am feeling not quite as crazy these days. There are still moments when I want to snap. I am still tired all the time. I still find the chaos difficult. However, things are looking up. The results of my blood work came back and my vitamin D was way low, so I am now on a vitamin D replacement regiment. Hopefully, that will help with the exhaustion. I have also started exercising at the gym several times a week.

Pre-kids I loved working out at the gym. I went frequently and found it to be relaxing. I first started to work out at the gym in an effort to bring myself out of a deep depression when I was in high school. While, I honestly should have sought help from a doctor I didn't feel like I could confided in my family and ask for help. After all I was raised to believe you solved your own issues. Through, working out and good friends I was able to slowly climb my way out but it would have been a much easier/shorter battle if I had had the help of a professional therapist or doctor.

Like last time I am already noticing a difference now that I am working out at the gym. The world doesn't look so gloomy and chaotic when I am at the gym. I find that I am a happier mommy when I've got a good work out in.

Abandonment and Life lines

Since, Trumpet was born I have felt like God had abandon me. I couldn't make sense of the fact that I had this wonderful amazing blessing and yet I am so unhappy. Why would God give me this blessing and then leave me in this dark and lonely place that I find myself to currently be residing in. It's truly a sad place to be when you don't even feel comfort in Mass and the Holy Eucharist.

However, God never abandon me. He was always there for me. I just needed to remember that and ask him to come in. He heard my weary cry the other day and threw me the lifeline I needed. I was having a very bad day (see prev. post) and in desperation I lifted my face up to Heaven and cried out that I need a lifeline. Not even 2 minutes later a very dear friend called. She has dealt with PPD before and even though, she too is a busy mom of 2 little ones and had only called for a quick chat she stayed on the phone with me for over an hour. She helped talk me back to a more rational place. She helped calm me, so that I could take care of my children till my husband got home. But most importantly, she reminded me that God is there listening and ready to help. All we have to do is ask.

The Glaring Truth

I have found that sleep makes a huge difference in my ability to push past the ppd and keep it in the shadows of life and not in the glaring open. Today marked the second night of very little sleep and it showed.

The ppd monster reared its ugly head and was out for the entire world to see. I find myself grateful that none of our neighbors were home to hear my lapse of composure through the paper thin walls. It was ugly and raw. I scared myself and I can only image how much it must of scared my two little ones to see me as I was. However, I know not how to explain to them where I am at. There is no way to explain to them that this afternoon the deep dark pit of despair tried to swallow me whole and almost did. I can't explain that all I wanted to do was curl up in the fetal position and disappear. So, the only thing I can is reassure them that mommy loves them and try and put on a mask and bury the monster of despair behind a facade of smiles.

Chaos and Tidy Squares

I have an inbox overflowing with unread emails. Laundry baskets that are overflowing with clothes. Overflowing describes my life...overflowing with an abundance of blessings from God. Blessings in the way of a husband, who adores me and two beautiful little boys. There are many more to be sure but those are the three biggest ones.

However, blessed I maybe I am also fighting postpartum depression. That is a place I never imaged I would be. After all, I always longed for children. The chaos of having 2 little ones is causing me to be miserable. By nature I am a planner. Before I had children I had this wonderful planner that went with me everywhere. My life was neat and tidy. Broken down into color coded squares of time. I liked it that way. I don't do chaos....let me amended that. I didn't do chaos. As every mother knows chaos comes with the territory of having children; especially when you have 2 little ones, who are 2 years apart. I am the proud mommy of a 2 year old and a 3 month old. I am an imperfect mom of 2 trying to learn how to find a balance between the chaos that comes with being mommy and my desire for a nice tidy life of color coded squares of time.

No matter how sad, how much of a failure as a mom I may feel or wondering why God saw fit to bless my life with my 2 precious little boys I thank God everyday for them. I hope that one day soon the smile I put on my face when one of them does something cute or funny will be a truly genuine one and not a pretend one because I know I should find joy in their antics.