I have found that sleep makes a huge difference in my ability to push past the ppd and keep it in the shadows of life and not in the glaring open. Today marked the second night of very little sleep and it showed.
The ppd monster reared its ugly head and was out for the entire world to see. I find myself grateful that none of our neighbors were home to hear my lapse of composure through the paper thin walls. It was ugly and raw. I scared myself and I can only image how much it must of scared my two little ones to see me as I was. However, I know not how to explain to them where I am at. There is no way to explain to them that this afternoon the deep dark pit of despair tried to swallow me whole and almost did. I can't explain that all I wanted to do was curl up in the fetal position and disappear. So, the only thing I can is reassure them that mommy loves them and try and put on a mask and bury the monster of despair behind a facade of smiles.
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