I have an inbox overflowing with unread emails. Laundry baskets that are overflowing with clothes. Overflowing describes my life...overflowing with an abundance of blessings from God. Blessings in the way of a husband, who adores me and two beautiful little boys. There are many more to be sure but those are the three biggest ones.
However, blessed I maybe I am also fighting postpartum depression. That is a place I never imaged I would be. After all, I always longed for children. The chaos of having 2 little ones is causing me to be miserable. By nature I am a planner. Before I had children I had this wonderful planner that went with me everywhere. My life was neat and tidy. Broken down into color coded squares of time. I liked it that way. I don't do chaos....let me amended that. I didn't do chaos. As every mother knows chaos comes with the territory of having children; especially when you have 2 little ones, who are 2 years apart. I am the proud mommy of a 2 year old and a 3 month old. I am an imperfect mom of 2 trying to learn how to find a balance between the chaos that comes with being mommy and my desire for a nice tidy life of color coded squares of time.
No matter how sad, how much of a failure as a mom I may feel or wondering why God saw fit to bless my life with my 2 precious little boys I thank God everyday for them. I hope that one day soon the smile I put on my face when one of them does something cute or funny will be a truly genuine one and not a pretend one because I know I should find joy in their antics.
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